A gentleman is on time, considerate of the financial situation of others and his word is his bond. In fact it appears the gentlemanly do's match up (bar the Shepherd's pie thing. Shepherd's pie is disgusting) to what some might call a decent human being, gentleman or no.
So let's look at the Gentlemanly Don'ts. Oh gentleman you must never, ever, ever drink Malibu. Or wear a pre-tied bow-tie. You must resist your urge to plant Gladioli and sell your cat. Any Lycra in your wardrobe must be purged and those fuchsia trousers have got to go. As must any notion of hair product.
Unless you have an aversion to Shepherd's pie, a craving for Malibu or very sensitive elbows this gentlemanly list is all very doable. A general treat others as you wish to be treated. Promptly. Whilst wearing rather sober clothes.
this list appears to forbid ladies to hail from Essex or work in the fashion department of any magazine
First of all you are not women but ladies. And ladies never say: "'Shut uuup' when incredulous, ever 'style it out' or refer to 'a jean' even parodically. She would never be crass enough to deploy the popular modern banality that is 'work colleague' and continues to find the word 'toilet' rather appalling. Judicious swearing is perfectly acceptable, the phrase: 'Pardon my French' is not."
The tongue in cheekness of this list has not passed me by. However while the critique of male hair products in the modern gentleman list belies a certain teasing of young male grooming, spraying Lynx down his trousers and gelling his hair into spikes or curtains (welcome back The 90s), this list appears to forbid ladies to hail from Essex or work in the fashion department of any magazine. That's a lot of disqualified ladies. Also, for what it's worth... toilet, toilet, toilet.
Next up are lady table manners: "A lady eats and drinks. She does not bore on about her dietary or health regime, or engage in competitively self-deprecating 'fat talk'. If she does happen to be endeavouring to lose weight, she will have the grace to keep this to herself and behave normally."
It's hard to work out how we can possibly laugh at disordered eating - or why we would want to. In the lady world one is simply on a diet or not on a diet and there is no loss of control. Any discussion over dissatisfaction of her body is merely fat talk and her fault, not society's. Yes talk of a diet is a little dull, this is true. However perhaps a lady does not hold herself up to unrealistic photoshopped images in Vogue magazine would be more becoming of an instructive lady list.
A lady doesn't wear too much or too little make up. A lady does not wear ridiculous, joyful shoes. A lady does not care for pink in her interior design. In fact a lady does not have any bloody fun - free though she apparently is of any eating anxiety.
Of course we all know that a lady is a person who identifies as a lady. And a gentleman is anyone who identifies as a gentleman. And you can make your own rules up.