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5 Gold Spritzes

22/12/2011

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Apparently the biggest sign it’s Christmas is not a lit up town centre, or carollers knocking on doors, or even Advent calendar countdowns. It’s the sudden sharp rise in sales of Chanel No.5.

Every year countless men who have been sent away from the M&S lingerie section after trying to convey their girlfriend’s cup size by cupping gestures have solved sizing issues with perfume.  Only they have heard of 2 and Britney’s Curious doesn’t seem quite right for a woman with a job and a flat. Chanel No.5 it is.

According to Debenhams spokesperson Ruth Attridge, “As soon as we see sales of Chanel No. 5 rising, we know that men have begun the race to get their Christmas shopping done”.

The perfume was made famous when Marilyn Monroe answered the question, what do you wear in bed with “Why Chanel No.5, of course”. It was probably the first celeb shill, or definitely the most successful anyway.

No doubt this is why when we think of perfume the neat square image of the No.5 bottle comes into our heads. This is also why on the run up to Christmas it isn’t just perfume sales that go through the roof but perfume adverts.

It’s anecdotal evidence but I have never met anyone who has said their favourite perfume is Chanel No.5. Even diehard Monroe fans.

If some men paid more attention to their partner’s perfumes or had more imagination I would not have to endure in every ad break (recently I’ve made the mistake of watching TV in real time, so inconvenient) alternating commercials from Dior and D&G using Monroe’s image trying to follow the scent of the Monroe bandwagon. 
First up we have Scarlett Johansson, trussed up in Monroe drag for D&G’s The One. After her comments about the leaked nude photos of her I think Johansson is probably pretty cool. Although exposed celebrity Cassie set the bar very high with her reaction, “STOP ACTING LIKE YOU HAVEN'T SEEN A TITTY BEFORE”.  Scarlett has an acting range that goes from underwhelmed to indifferent. Great when she’s starring in an indie flick, not so great when she’s supposed to be cracking out flirty bon mots using Monroe’s trademark sexy innocence shtick.
D&G would have been better off releasing an ad featuring Johansson spritzing the neat square (Oh you think I don’t know what you’re doing D&G I DO!) bottle whilst she informs us that she knows her best angles.  
Next up is Dior, who have snagged another Monroe-alike Charlize Theron for their perfume J’adore. Theron’s headed up these campaigns for a while now, usually stomping through a hallway chucking expensive dresses and jewellery around because gold is cold and diamonds are dead and compared to J’adore perfume everything’s rubbish.

For this ad they have stepped it up a bit, manipulating Monroe footage so the dead celeb posthumously switches her allegiance to 
Dior. It’s probably symptomatic of The Times or something that this reanimation of Monroe isn’t too surprising.  She featured (unaware-duh) in a Chanel No.5 TV ad a few years ago. 

What did startle me a little was when Dior then cracked out Grace Kelly. Dior! Kelly has her own damn perfume specifically designed for her by Creed and everybody knows it! You think she’s going to wear some mass marketed Dior stuff? Paris Hilton might be wearing it, dead or alive Grace couldn’t take that risk, she’s a Princess. 

I do like that even in death Marlene Dietrich can give Charlize Theron such a look it’s clear she thinks the concept dumb. 


All in the hope a clueless man dismissed from the lingerie department will shuffle over to the perfumes and ask for the one that Monroe likes.

Squeamish Kate
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