You remember the whole Stitch n’ Bitch knitting wave of 2005? Well that was a long time ago and while I will be getting my knitting needles out soon enough, I don’t think the wonky scarf I’ll turn out will be enough to keep me warm. I want hot food and a nice glass of something mulled to warm my cockles this winter. That’s why when my friend Clare invited me to her very first Bitch, Bake n’ Booze evening I said: “Hell yeah I’ll come to that!”
Patisserie chef Clare had many a culinary delight up her chef’s uniform sleeve but decided to start us off on something homely and useful - we were going to master the art of making olive dough! The 8 of us were ready for the boozy baking to commence. Before we had even washed our hands, we were poured a glass of wine and were escorted to the bedroom…where we watched a DVD about making dough.
Patisserie chef Clare had many a culinary delight up her chef’s uniform sleeve but decided to start us off on something homely and useful - we were going to master the art of making olive dough! The 8 of us were ready for the boozy baking to commence. Before we had even washed our hands, we were poured a glass of wine and were escorted to the bedroom…where we watched a DVD about making dough.
Clare was going to teach us the recipe as made by Frenchman Richard Bertinet. The DVD came with his book named, you guessed it, Dough. We had a right old giggle watching him knead his dough in slow motion as a soft music soundtrack played over the somehow highly erotic intro! Once he actually got into battering the dough against a work top I was engrossed, Clare informed us ‘He’s making it look easier than it is!’ Yeah, suuuuuure, dough battering is hard.
Back to the kitchen we were about to make a HUGE batch of the stuff. We all got our own bowl of flour to work on and took our places around the large kitchen table. Our dough had a splash of olive oil for flavour and would end up as herby focaccia, pizzas and bread swirls (they may have a proper name, but I don’t know it!). As the creation of dough commenced I felt very earthy using my hands to mix the ingredients (measured out by Clare in advance). Once we had got it to the right texture the next step was to, like Richard, BATTER THE DOUGH AGAINST THE TABLE - the folding of the dough would get the air through it and get it to optimum doughy state. This is when I found out that Clare was right. This was hard to do.
Back to the kitchen we were about to make a HUGE batch of the stuff. We all got our own bowl of flour to work on and took our places around the large kitchen table. Our dough had a splash of olive oil for flavour and would end up as herby focaccia, pizzas and bread swirls (they may have a proper name, but I don’t know it!). As the creation of dough commenced I felt very earthy using my hands to mix the ingredients (measured out by Clare in advance). Once we had got it to the right texture the next step was to, like Richard, BATTER THE DOUGH AGAINST THE TABLE - the folding of the dough would get the air through it and get it to optimum doughy state. This is when I found out that Clare was right. This was hard to do.
| I am not the most co-ordinated person and throwing, the 3 step process of slapping and folding the dough was not only like a work out, it was far too complicated for me to do well! Other ladies round the table took to it very well and their dough was coming along nicely. With a little extra slapping on the table by Clare my dough was back on track and I was ready for my next glass of wine. Which I'd totally earned. | Now I know how to make dough, the hard way! The earthy way! |
Dough slapping. Image:Clare Zerny
We put our dough back in the bowl to let it proof and put a tea towel over them, stuck them up in a warm bedroom and headed outside for more wine and the bitchin’ part of the gathering! The term bitchin’ helps with this baking club's snappy alliterative title but as you well know it just meant we talked over a few more glasses of wine. When we were done the dough had risen and we were ready to top some pizzas! I love pizza, it’s my all time favourite food. We all grabbed hands full of sun-dried tomatoes, mushrooms, asparagus, and chorizo sausage and flung them on a tomato drenched base.
Then we drank more wine. Then we rolled the dough, all taking turns to have a bash at it – we made about 20 of the bread swirl things, which were plugged full of delicious ingredients. Still there was more to be made! We threw parmesan and thyme into the focaccia and then sent our wares back to the bedroom for some double rise dough action.
Then we drank more wine. Then we rolled the dough, all taking turns to have a bash at it – we made about 20 of the bread swirl things, which were plugged full of delicious ingredients. Still there was more to be made! We threw parmesan and thyme into the focaccia and then sent our wares back to the bedroom for some double rise dough action.
This mass bake off really paid off, we created a pile of delicious food, so much, we couldn’t devour it in the 1 night. It didn’t cost a lot either and for a moment in time I felt like I was in the dream all-women commune I used to discuss with my primary school friends when I was 7. We intended to get a cottage in the woods and raise out children together – no boys allowed! Having said that I am sure men would enjoy the Bitch Bake n’ Booze just as much as we had. I am not the best cook in the world and I certainly do not go in for baking of the highly desirable and highly iced cupcake. So coming to Bitch, Booze n’ Bake was like acquiring a life skill. Now I know how to make dough, the hard way! The earthy way! Now I can now enjoy the euphoric taste of freshly made pizza base I’m sure this will come in handy when I move to the woods.
Squeamish Nicola
Squeamish Nicola
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