Image: Mike Licht With pick up artists, street harassment, the re-discovery of laddism and good old fashioned misogyny creating an atmosphere that makes women and girls feel unsafe it is unsurprising that a new dating app is in the works. My Twitter feed is full of screenshots of inappropriate messages via OKCupid et al that women on the site have received. Men have sent them creepy compliments, sexual demands, angry notes once they realise they have been rejected and then pleading when they remember using capital letters on a stranger rarely works and doesn't count as negging. Which totally always works. Moving on from Tinder's swipe left policy dating app like Siren was, perhaps, inevitable. But is it a good idea?
I learned of Siren through Lindy West (not directly you understand, we are not on any kind of terms) in her article on pick up artists and the question of Julian Blanc's visa. "The revocation of Blanc's visa is a powerful, institutional investment in women's safety. Taken alongside - just off the top of my head - the broad mainstream rejection of GamerGate's misogynist subterfuge, last week’s near-universal revulsion at the harassment of ESPN reporter Cari Champion, this week's wicked trolling of accused serial rapist Bill Cosby, and the still resounding power of #YesAllWomen, I'm wondering if women's safety isn't having a moment right now."
Women's safety is a complicated topic (aren't they all?) because when pursuing it you come up against various obstacles that make it hard to achieve. For instance firstly there is the issue that feminists witness often. That women are safe. Job done. And by the way have we considered all the young men at risk? Secondly how do we guarantee women's safety whilst not unintentionally casting them in the constant damsel in distress role? Thirdly it can give the impression that every man is a dangerously sex-crazed misogynist and every woman is vulnerable - meaning everyone is on edge and rather more likely to do something nervy and unwise.
Often these discussions can somehow descend quickly into a "well I wouldn't rape you anyway - even if you were begging for it" (I see this cutting remark often and nobody ever seems to point out that begging for it would make it consensual sex and not rape) as demonstrated by Dapper Laugh's supportive and insightful father who tweeted that a woman writer who had criticised his son was "to [sic] ugly … to rape".
Women's safety is a complicated topic (aren't they all?) because when pursuing it you come up against various obstacles that make it hard to achieve. For instance firstly there is the issue that feminists witness often. That women are safe. Job done. And by the way have we considered all the young men at risk? Secondly how do we guarantee women's safety whilst not unintentionally casting them in the constant damsel in distress role? Thirdly it can give the impression that every man is a dangerously sex-crazed misogynist and every woman is vulnerable - meaning everyone is on edge and rather more likely to do something nervy and unwise.
Often these discussions can somehow descend quickly into a "well I wouldn't rape you anyway - even if you were begging for it" (I see this cutting remark often and nobody ever seems to point out that begging for it would make it consensual sex and not rape) as demonstrated by Dapper Laugh's supportive and insightful father who tweeted that a woman writer who had criticised his son was "to [sic] ugly … to rape".
| So where does Siren come in to all this? Siren is a heterosexual (with plans to include a same sex version) dating app created by Susie Lee and Katrina Hess, based on the principle that "women needed to control visibility". | Visibility on dating sites apparently equals relinquishing any kind of discernment. |
Women can peruse men's profiles and, should they be interested, then make their profile known to the man they like. The idea is that women on Siren will be less at risk of creepy contacts. In 2013 Pew Research published an online dating report which found that 28% of online daters have been contacted "in a way that made them feel harassed or uncomfortable," and 42% of female online daters reported experience of this.
It's interesting because under the guise of creating a safe space for women, Siren actually creates a safe space for men. There's less risk in the approach because the woman in question has already made clear her interest. Of course also because of the nature of Siren it is unlikely that men signing up to it are necessarily the type who send aggressive messages - however most hetero women will tell you 'ware the 'nice guy'.
However the reason women sometimes receive aggressive messages that ask why, if they won't meet up, did they put their profile up on a dating site. Visibility on dating sites apparently equals relinquishing any kind of discernment. Will this be solved by models such as Siren? I'm not sure that putting women behind some kind of digital curtain will solve this peculiar anger men seem to feel entitled to when they come up against rejection.
Squeamish Kate
It's interesting because under the guise of creating a safe space for women, Siren actually creates a safe space for men. There's less risk in the approach because the woman in question has already made clear her interest. Of course also because of the nature of Siren it is unlikely that men signing up to it are necessarily the type who send aggressive messages - however most hetero women will tell you 'ware the 'nice guy'.
However the reason women sometimes receive aggressive messages that ask why, if they won't meet up, did they put their profile up on a dating site. Visibility on dating sites apparently equals relinquishing any kind of discernment. Will this be solved by models such as Siren? I'm not sure that putting women behind some kind of digital curtain will solve this peculiar anger men seem to feel entitled to when they come up against rejection.
Squeamish Kate
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