What is the secret to keeping the (allegedly) hairier sex happy? How can we possibly find out what makes the former residents of Mars tick? We have decided to investigate this – in the traditional list format favoured upon this day and by women's magazines when dealing with such tricky subjects. We know this much – it's certainly not a case of just talking to them. Get ready, prepare yourself for becoming irresistible...
Pyjamas - check, sandwich - check. All the women's magazines are doing it, Louise Mensch is doing it, S&BJ day focuses entirely upon it and so we thought we should get in on this revolutionary action too. Yes, it's true. We have taken that path and started to wonder how best to please men. For some it's a case of bloody steak after women got all the attention on Valentine's Day. For those of the Tory persuasion it is a simply case of knowing when you're too old to reveal your knees. Mass publications continue to be baffled.
What is the secret to keeping the (allegedly) hairier sex happy? How can we possibly find out what makes the former residents of Mars tick? We have decided to investigate this – in the traditional list format favoured upon this day and by women's magazines when dealing with such tricky subjects. We know this much – it's certainly not a case of just talking to them. Get ready, prepare yourself for becoming irresistible...
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Image: Ms Mornington One of the things we talk a lot about here at Squeamish – both in our writing and when we're in the pub, sorry, editorial meetings – is what feminism means to us now and what it has meant. How we've evolved, changed, what we've learned. I've called myself a feminist pretty much as long as I can remember – it was certainly one of the labels I applied to myself by the time I started secondary school at 11, and was a central part of my identity as a teen. My A-level English teacher (probably, I realise now, as much out of boredom as anything) would even make slightly provocative statements about gender and then look at me, knowing I would always take the bait and argue back. So it's not surprising that, while I've continued to call myself a feminist, some of my views have changed. And those that have changed the most are connected to sex work. Image: Chatham House Some weeks are more trying than others. Some weeks are more trigger-laden than others. But I can guarantee you that – due to the rule of it's all relative! – every week holds triggers for someone. This week figures regarding false rape allegations have been released by the Crown Prosecution Service and it seems reporting and interpreting numbers is hard. Look, I find numbers hard, but I took my maths GCSE a (probably) record amount of times. You've seen Elf right? You know that scene with Will Ferrell in elf class being too big for this elfin desk? That was me. Only I was the oldest in the class – not the biggest (in fact I was the smallest and so my desk, like my school trousers, overwhelmed me. I probably would have ACED elf class. But that's enough Squeamish Kate trivia for one day). However I can usually work out which number is the larger and therefore more concerning/bigger piece of the cake. Image: Andreas Matern When people call out your heroes it's natural for your first reaction to be all: 'nu-uh' and in denial over whatever criticism has been made. I like to think I don't have role models as such but I definitely have people who – were I into such things – would feature in my decoupage projects and I'd like my career to mimic theirs. With her background in improvisation comedy, quick wit and stubborn brow Tina Fey is one of the people with the potential to have her image glued to my light switch. I know, quite the honour. I have her autobiography Bossypants on audiobook (I'm very busy, I have to lie down and be read to nowadays) and spend many a moment laughing at the same joke I have heard before. Such is my high tolerance for Fey. Good year for women? Image: Tom Check There's a right way and a wrong way to break down race and gender barriers in motorsport. The right way is to go out there, be faster than everyone else, and impress with your talents. The wrong way is to give a bunch of interviews about your ground-breaking NASCAR career when you haven't qualified for the sort of licence that would allow you to compete in the series. It was International Women's Day on Friday. By rights, I should have been celebrating the achievements of women in motorsport. And no sniggering at the back - anyone who knows their motorsport knows that there are achievements aplenty to celebrate. Instead I find myself in the sad position of reading about the exploits of one Tia Norfleet, who has garnered oodles of column inches for being the first black woman in NASCAR. Except she kind of isn't. At all. Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! It's finally time. UK, Mila Kunis and James Franco were in you. This was because the Disney film Oz The Great and Powerful has premièred in the UK this week. Reviews have been a little disappointing, BBC Radio 4's Front Row complained that the magic of MGM's The Wizard of Oz is missing from the film in spite of borrowing ideas such as keeping Kansas in black and white film and Oz in colour. Squeamish Kate mentioned the witches of Oz had been given a make over so radical and so removed from the original version even Snog Marry Avoid would be shocked. Though no beanie hats featured in the film. The original author of the Wizard of Oz L. Frank Baum was an interesting character himself and a suffragist to boot (not not). There are various themes of matriarchy (apparently the Nome King thinks his eggs are poison because of they are a symbol of matriarchy) throughout the 13 books Baum wrote. We thought we would look back over the Land of Oz creations do Baum the honour of deciding which ones were our favourites. Other ways to be funny. Image: Mike Licht Inspired by Squeamish Kate’s post on how to get more women in comedy, I wrote down my personal grapple with being a funny lady. Trigger Warning: This is a post about women and being funny and humour, of sorts. But it is not a post about why women are funny, how the comedy circuit is fiercely misogynistic, or an attempt to discredit people who think vagina-wielding-joke-tellers aren’t funny. It’s not even me waving my figurative cock around, trying to prove how funny I am and thus making my case for all of the above. I have no interest in that argument. I think it’s the cultural equivalent of the alien conspiracy. You have one side waiting agitatedly with radios and telescopes, screaming like banshees every time a crop circle appears. Then you have the other side, closing their eyes and putting their fingers in their ears - the whole time scoffing at the other lot because they wear anoraks and play with metal detectors. What we should really be doing - assuming that, as women who are funny, we’re the anorak donning evangelists - is sitting back, opening a beer, turning the radios off and quietly waiting for the day that the non-believers stumble across a crop circle of their own accord and let it freak them the fuck out. Do I laugh now? Image: Yohaan Creemers I have never been able to quite make my mind up about positive discrimination or women only short lists. Obviously, obviously, what I want is for people to get jobs or rise to the forefront of politics or entertainment (are those two interchangeable? I fear so) on merit alone rather than because they are on the right side of general popular prejudices. But it seems difficult to smash such mindsets without force and, well, women only short lists. One mindset that seems oddly to be increasingly widespread is the idea that women aren't funny. Worse, that women don't have much of a sense of humour. I wrote not that long ago (I seem to have a comedy subject only short list of writing ideas) about my disappointment in Jongleurs comedy club owner Maria Kempinska suggestion that women don't go to comedy clubs for love of comedy, but because they are merely accompanying their male partners – from whom they take their cue to laugh. In a discussion about misogyny becoming more and more fashionable on the stand up circuit Kempinska told Jenny Murray that: “women often go into comedy clubs because of their men.” Image: SportSuburban A while ago I saw a documentary (though the term is used loosely in this context) about women who don't just dress in vintage clothing but extend their vintage lifestyle beyond the wardrobe. Time Warp Wives followed the lives of a couple who tried to live as much in the 1930s as possible (though cheated with the odd concealed electric appliance in the kitchen) when not at work and a young woman who liked to dress in a 1940s style and eat at the table the ol' fashioned way. There was one woman who had entrenched herself so much in the 1950s lifestyle she confessed to not knowing Tony Blair was no longer Prime Minister. This proud housewife baked from scratch and scrubbed the floors like the Swiffer* mop hadn't been invented. It appeared her only companions were the residents of an old people's home All the women featured liked the idea of living in simpler times – though why you'd pick the Second World War as your nostalgia era was never quite explained. Or examined. It just wasn't that kind of documentary. They cited the old days when people didn't get divorced and were generally happy with their lot. Frosty reception. Image: A Magill Considering it is one of the most common criticisms of feminism it is peculiar feminists spend so little time meditating upon it. It is perhaps due to hearing it alongside the very common 'middle class white men have problems too' also known in online feminist circles as the 'what about teh menz?' argument. When you spend so much time explaining where and how a set of people are missing the point, it is hard to see where you and/or your movement misses the point. Feminism is excluding people. Feminism is being told. Feminism is not listening. Feminism is (unintentionally I'd like to think) taking on a few other 'isms' and 'antis' that means it will never be a truly liberating movement until it drops them. I'm talking about classism, racism, anti-trans, anti-sex worker. |
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