Oh yeah I know we are contractually obliged to discuss The Oscars, not the quality of the winning films or speeches, just what the ladies wore. So here’s my detailed analysis.

I’m sure the ladies spent a very long time deciding what to wear, I imagine fashion PR interns ran around frantically searching for something they didn’t quite hear the name of and many pairs of Spanx were probably squeezed into in order to avoid any pregnancy rumours caused by the act of breathing out.

Apart from the nun, obviously nobody styled her, that’s the joy of having a uniform. You know the nun on the red carpet? I thought it was some Oscar tradition I had missed over the years – the Oscars good luck nun or something. But apparently she is Dolores Hart, a former actress who took her final vows in 1970. The Reverend Mother is a member of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences and here’s a fun fact, she is the only nun who is an Oscar voting member.

With all the favours called in, feet either squeezed in or slipping about in ill-fitting shoes and cleavage decisions made, it seems churlish to pick apart an outfit that a team of people probably spent a lot of time on. At no point in time am I going to be FORCED into one of the dresses I did not care for, so I don’t really need to shout out the displeasure of my eyes.

This is not to say that I don’t enjoy reading about Awards Season fashion. In the spirit of Oscar fashion appreciation/dismantling day, we are taking up where the Bridesmaids actresses Melissa McCarthy and Rose Byrne left off last night with the Scorsese drinking game.

Acknowledging that it is Monday morning and we are not awaking on crisp white Egyptian cotton sheets, still clutching our Oscar, watching the morning light dance across his golden curves (you LET me have my moment) as the words “room service” come from the other side of the hotel door.  We suggest instead of using alcohol to play you use what is surrounding you in your office.

Welcome to the Squeamish Bikini marriage of Oscar fashion with Office supplies game.

Here are your prompt words and what to do when you read them.

“Thigh high” – staple something. Staple your hand to your head if you must but you have got to hit that stapler.

“Devastating effect” – down a hot beverage.

“Plunging” – Check your e-mail. During this downtime you’ve probably missed an important work e-mail anyway.

“Tiered ruffled hemline” – Rarely will you see these words in this order together outside awards season. Heck, take a spin in your task chair. WOO.

“Figure hugging”—Eat one of the office biscuits. 
“Peplum” – Type frenziedly for a bit. It’ll make you look busy.

“Bucks the trend” – Photocopy your face.

By all means add some words or actions to this game. Just be careful not to get too caffeinated, although it happens to the best of us. 

Squeamish Kate