A survey has revealed that women who have reached the age of 51 feel invisible to the opposite sex. Far from ignite an opportunistic crime wave it seems, from a pool of 2000 women over 50 (the number of women who participated in this survey) it appears this has resulted in a group of women of a certain age being sad and dejected. Considering on average women have an extra 5 to 10 years of living to do compared to these men who fail to notice them past a certain point - apparently due to an immune system that ages slower and probably because of that jolly saying used in the medical profession regarding men and their ability to visit doctors: 'women get sick and men die' - it's a long time to feel that you are going unnoticed.
It is a secret fantasy of mine, usually after a Sunday watching too many Miss Marples (Geraldine McEwan episodes, please. At a push maybe Joan Hickson) and Midsomer Murders, to become a country village vicar. With a Baptist/Athiest upbringing and Catholic school education I'd have no idea what was going on and therefore my congregation would be most confused by my slapdash ways. In my fantasy, however, it is always sunny at my old countryside vicarage and I can garden as I solve mysteries and make it no concern of mine that the village has an awful high murder rate. I spend little to no time counselling my flock or writing services. I think it would be a lovely quiet life. In reality it would no doubt be more Father Ted than Vicar of Dibley. More c*nty parish thancountry. The reality for woman vicars (woman vicars who don't see vicaring [technical term] as a righteous opt out scheme) is apparently a life of abusive comments, being spat at and receiving pornographic letters.
The Walton sextuplets are 30. Having caused a media stir at birth beating the odds given to their mother Janet Walton who was told at 16 that conception was unlikely anITV documentary is due to air soon covering the sextuplets' lives as adults. So! What are we looking at. Usually when documenting larger than average families we like to know things like...are the family on benefits? In which case what will the destiny of their scrounging kids be, how big is their telly and why are they allowed to live? Just asking because we're sincerely concerned, yeah. Or for a more highbrow documentary we investigate the parents and their belief in the rhythm method and Catholicism perhaps or maybe they just didn't get enough love in their own childhoods, or are they holding out for a girl/boy. With the Walton sextuplets, because of the nature of their conception and birth we might be interested in how Ma and Pa Walton coped, but now the girls are 30 and it's 2014 what we really, really want to know is... are they married?
One of my favourite moments in the Jennifer Saunders sitcom Absolutely Fabulous is when they go to France and get drunk at a wine tasting. But there's also a great little scene where Gran mistakes Saffy's purchase of female condoms for fingerless washing up gloves "They don't put fingers on these gloves..." I think when that episode aired many viewers thought that by 2014 we wouldn't be so shocked or flummoxed by femidoms (or femdoms, which I originally typoed) and other forms of female contraception. If pressed I think we'd have guessed the male pill would be causing a new sexual revolution in which responsibility was a buzzword. Instead we're flinging around pseudo science about women, hormones and the pill.
People often appear to be under the impression that feminism is but a question of who opens the door. And who gets to grow a moustache. But mostly door opening and holding. Nobody questions the odd omission of any BAN ALL DOORS or CAMPAIGN FOR REVOLVING DOORS IN ALL BUILDINGS from any feminist projects or slogans. Which is perhaps indicative of how much thought people who think feminism is about misandry have given to the subject. The death of chivalry is regularly mourned and/or celebrated by male and female columnists depending on what publication they are writing for. Why the decline in chivalry? Apparently it's never a question of people being increasingly selfish or thoughtless and therefore bad mannered. It's feminism.
Hey everybody, this is a feminism party and everybody's invited! Accept you. Oh and it appears feminism is holding this party all wrong. First of all everybody knows feminists don't have parties - unless it's political party, which probably explains the lack of paper cups round here. Second of all it looks like you feminists are concentrating on all the wrong things. You should be only concerning yourselves with one thing at a time - your pretty little heads are only able to hold one cause at a time, so let's prioritise and see what Michael White says Barbara Castle would do (I'm getting WMWSBCWD on a wristband so's I can always remember and I suggest you do the same) because you are all getting over excited and hysterical. No more pop for you feminists.
You might think it's just your parents, wistfully looking in the Mothercare window whilst just letting you know that an old school acquaintance you weren't all that friendly with has had a baby, that are on womb-watch. Or maybe you think it is only newlyweds who have to bat away impatient and inappropriate comments about when they will hear the patter of tiny feet. But if you're a woman and you're childfree then the media has something to say to you and science has reminded them they've got science to back their concern about when you're going to have a baby.
Lord Rennard is refusing to offer up the apology it has been suggested he might like to make over allegations of sexual harassment of women activists. Well look, what kind of suggestive business suits have Lib Dem ladies been wearing? Has anybody asked that? Were they compiling sexy expense claims for the taxpayers to cover? Or simply doing that thing infuriating thing cis-women tend to do and walk around with genitals and secondary sex characteristics like boobs under their clothing? Unreasonable. Unreasonable! And wait, get this, these ladies want their complaints regarding who says what to them to get a proper response.
Recently Public Health England released figures to the Daily Mail concerning children under the age of consent and STIs. Over 5000 children under 16 were diagnosed with STIs in 2012. This number has more than doubled since 2003, with cases being reported of under 16s being treated for chlamydia, gonorrhoea, herpes, warts and other STIs. Is this hysteria over a minority? Meh, perhaps perhaps. In fact looking at the recorded numbers... why, yes. But how long do you wait before you react?
It isn't about if you react or not so much as how you react. Firstly in the reporting of these figures the Daily Mail vaguely mention that "Charities said easy access to online porn meant thousands of schoolchildren barely into their teenage years are getting their sex education online."
We recently learned that it has been confirmed (confirmed!) that the male and female brain are totes different. Ragini Verma, a researcher at the University of Pennsylvania, commented that the findings support stereotypes such as the idea (now fact) that the male brain is made up of slugs, snails and puppy dog tails and the female brain is sugar and spice and multitasking. "If you look at functional studies, the left of the brain is more for logical thinking, the right of the brain is for more intuitive thinking. So if there's a task that involves doing both of those things, it would seem that women are hardwired to do those better...Women are better at intuitive thinking. Women are better at remembering things. When you talk, women are more emotionally involved - they will listen more."